Your Personality and Healthy Boundaries
Dec 02, 2022
Okay Friends, let's talk about your personality and healthy boundaries from a biblical perspective!
So I have heard the word “personality” about 10 times in the last four days. All were in the context of, "Oh well, because of your personality…". Don’t get me wrong, understanding people's personalities can definitely be helpful, you know, there's things like the otter, the lion, Enneagram, Gallup Clifton Strengths, etc..
Well, all of those can be insightful for our own understanding, but we have to be very careful - and here’s why:
- We create with our mouths and when people create with their mouths, it is our responsibility to either accept that for our bodies, our brains, our minds, and our souls, or not. For us to carry that, or not.
So, I think people need to be very careful about saying, "Oh, well, you're like this," or "You're like that."
What's interesting is, as a human being, over time, your responsibility for things grows. I mean, from when you're five, to when you're 16, to when you're 25, to when you're 35. I mean, your your responsibilities are naturally, organically just going to change, alter, grow. You're gonna have a lot more responsibilities and hopefully, you're also gonna have healthy boundaries that you've put in place.
- Healthy boundaries are extremely important for being able to operate in your function. We cannot operate in our function if we are not trying to practice those or are not trying to build those. Of course I do not mean this in a, “put a wall in front of you kind of way, then shut people out” but rather, just sit and simply create healthy boundaries to protect your spirit, soul, body.
We are called to do that - we have to practice setting healthy boundaries. And if we don't, then that's why you're spinning out. For example, almost anytime I found myself feeling like I was spinning or spiraling out with exhaustion, it was because a healthy boundary was not in place. This is not from a “be harsh on self” perspective, but it's recognizing that once you're able to identify the root of why you’re feeling what you’re feeling, a lot of times it can route back to a healthy boundary - from yourself or others! And those are your responsibilities to set. Setting healthy boundaries, no one can do for you except for you.
So, because your responsibilities may have grown in this thing called life, over time, let yourself off the hook - you don't have to carry other people's perceived perception of you. You're doing what you need to do to operate in your function.
I think it is fun and interesting to talk about personality tests. They can truly help you align with who it is that God made you to be while assisting you in your emotional and spiritual development. Lets remember though, just because someone may share their opinion to you like, "Hey, you're kind of like this because of your personality”… just because you might not 100% agree doesn't mean that you are judging them or that they are judging you (well, hopefully not), but guys, remember this is a world where you can have a different opinion and not be offended. Like, just because you might have a different opinion than someone doesn't mean that you've taken offense to what they said. So, I urge you to keep that in mind.
Let me share with you a little story from when I was about five or seven years old (I’m in my thirties now).
Every summer, my family and I would all go - all six of us - to Hilton Head. The location we went to had a balcony that overlooked the pool. It was a very safe environment for us kids to go.
Well, it was time for lunch, and we were at the pool that day, so all the brothers and I came in and we had lunch. Then Momma said I looked at her as soon as I finished and was like, "Okay, can we go back down to the pool?" And she was like, “Let's wait for everybody to get finished. You don't know anybody down there, so as soon as all of us finish eating we can all go down together that way, you'll know people and you won't be alone." She was trying to explain that we can't go somewhere by ourselves as a kid, you know, just as a protection for her daughter.
Well, apparently, I looked at her and I said, "But I do know everybody, I do know the people down there." And she was like, "Alright, Kelly, alright, you know sometimes you just have to be patient. Wait on all of us to finish and then we'll go back down to the pool in just a few minutes."
She said then, to her surprise that the second we hit that pool gate, apparently, I made my rounds honey, and every single person at that pool said to me, "Oh, Hi, Kelly. Oh, hey, Kelly." And Momma looked at me and said "You really didn't know everybody down here." Which of course makes for a great story to laugh at these days.
So anyway, that was my “personality” right?
I just didn't meet a stranger always, I was “go go go and wide open”.
But now in my thirties, I think it's really interesting because, due to health, where I am in my walk with the Lord, and just all the things / circumstances, it's really quite interesting…
My personality now is that I can be a very private person.
That I'm friendly, but not necessarily, outgoing.
Somewhat that I'm, reserved.
That I can be harsh, that I can be rigid.
That I'm full of joy, laughter and encouraging words.
So see, all of these things are kind of all over the place, right? Which is really interesting and if we can be okay with just thinking that it's interesting and not claiming everything everybody says to us as truth, that's what I'm trying to get at. Like, nobody knows your circumstances. Nobody knows your truth really - except for God - and they don't know the situations that you've been put in or why you act certain ways, now.
Guys, it's amazing, as wide open and as friendly as I desire to be, if I did that, I would never get a break. I would be "expected" to be operating at 100% capacity at all times. Guys, that's inhuman, that’d make us a robot! So all of us have to practice and take a look at what healthy boundaries look like.
So, for example, one position that I’ve held is to assist people holistically with their health and wellness as a Wellness Practitioner. I feel called from the Lord to do that and it has been such an honor. I try to operate under His understanding in all things, and especially that.
But you know what that looks like, in reality? It looks like when I'm at the grocery store, just trying to run an errand, or if someone sees me, half the time, they won't even say hey or hello. They'll look at me and say, "Oh, good, check me for this, check me for that."
I cannot tell you how many times that has happened. There's no offense to it. I've learned to not take offense to that, it’s just where they're at. But there also has to be accountability. At that moment, I could stop what I'm doing, and I could do just as they requested.
Or, I could set a healthy boundary and say, "Hey, you know what, why don't you call me at the office? I'd be happy to check then." Guys, that's not rude. What's rude is that people don't respect healthy boundaries, but they don't know to respect healthy boundaries if you don't give them a healthy boundary.
Of course there are emergencies and different circumstances that allow for different responses, but we get to sharpen our God given armor!
by Kelly Osment
